I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize