How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
