I faked an abortion last night.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
