I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
