How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize