I think I am morally bankrupt
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
