I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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