I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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