Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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