I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
