oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
smell my finger.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
