as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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