He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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