In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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