between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
