I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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