Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
