Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
