I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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