when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
