Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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