I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
