I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
