i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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