Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
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yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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