dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
