Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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