my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
