I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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