Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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