My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
