I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
dude. I can hear the air.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
