There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
