Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
