I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need to sanitize my soul.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
