went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
