just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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