god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
