ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize