I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
