I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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