Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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