xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
