Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
