Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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