She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
