my being single is dangerous.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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