i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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