i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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