im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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