Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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