season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
