Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
