john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
