omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
