I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
