I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
