I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you had me at cake vodka
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
