all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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