this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
