A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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