Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
