can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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