Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
