She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
