I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
