Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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