Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
