Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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