I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
