just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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