The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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